funniest jokes

 Asian to a British: Do you know we have made such thing                                 

which can able us to see through the wall.

British with wonder: What is that?

Asian: Hole                                                                                                                                  

I wanna kiss the most cute person of the world….                                                                     

but                                                                                                                                         

My lips can’t touch my cheeks                                                                                                 

A man walks into a bar ! ouch !!! 

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i am watching my drinking , so now i only visit bars that have mirrors on the walls

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patient :doctor you have to help me !!! no body talks to me no one pay attention to what i have to say !!! doctor : NEXT

• mother:"did you enjoy your first day at school the little girl :FIRST DAY ? do you mean that i have to go 2moro ? :@

• How did stupid tried to kill a bird?? -He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

• A little boy asked his father, -Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? -And the father replied,  don't know, son, I'm still paying

• • A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
    
    He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
    
    The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
    
    "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
    
    "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
    
    "Well, then, we need a urine sample."
    
    "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
    
    "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
    
    "I can't do that, officer."
    
    "Why not?"
    
    "Because I'm drunk."

    ---

Sardar 1: Why we drink water?

Sardar 2: I don’t know.

Sardar 1: Silly person we drink water because we can’t eat it.

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BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

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Sardar 1: Why we drink water?

Sardar 2: I don’t know.

Sardar 1: Silly person we drink water because we can’t eat it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye." The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!" So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it.
The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away. He comes back half an hour later and says, "I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye." Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, "I just saw you walk in here -- you can't be blind!" So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.